Relational Psychoanalysis

Understanding what keeps repeating—and giving words to what has remained unspoken

You may understand your history well and still find yourself back in the same place. You know that a relationship is causing you pain, that you demand too much of yourself, or that you pull away precisely when you long for closeness. Yet, when it happens, something seems to take over.

At other times, it can be difficult even to know where to begin. You may feel empty, tense, or disconnected from yourself without being able to link these feelings to anything specific.

Relational psychoanalysis makes room for both experiences: what you recognise but continue to repeat, and what has not yet found words. It does not begin with a ready-made explanation, but with the possibility of discovering together what may still be operating outside your awareness.

What is Relational Psychoanalysis?

Relational Psychoanalysis is an approach to psychoanalytic psychotherapy that considers the whole person and their ongoing relationship with others and the world around them.

The word “relational” does not mean that therapy focuses only on romantic or family relationships. It recognises that the ways in which we feel, desire, and protect ourselves take shape through relationships—and can continue to change through them.

You may have learnt not to ask for too much, to make yourself indispensable, or to hide what you feel in order to protect a relationship. Or you may withdraw before someone has the chance to hurt you. Over time, these responses can become so automatic that they feel like an inevitable part of who you are, even when your circumstances have changed.

The past matters, but it is not used to explain everything or assign blame. Instead, we explore how it continues to live in the present: in your choices, emotions, body, and the expectations you bring into relationships.

How does relational psychoanalytic psychotherapy work?

Therapy is not a one-way process. You are not observed from a distance or given a predetermined account of who you are. Your perspective is central and guides the work. My observations help us give shape to what emerges, make connections, and consider possible ways of understanding your experience.

The therapeutic relationship is mutual, but the roles are not symmetrical: I hold the therapeutic frame and clinical responsibility for the work, while together we make sense of what you bring and develop an understanding that can become meaningful in your life.

You can bring whatever feels important, even when it is confused, contradictory, or difficult to express. You do not need to arrive with an orderly account of what has happened. I listen to your words, but also to what keeps returning, shifts in emotion, silences, and the ways in which your mind and body respond as we approach particular experiences.

What happens between us can also help us understand what happens outside therapy. The fear of being judged, the need not to disappoint, or difficulties with trust, boundaries, and expressing anger may emerge within the therapeutic relationship too.

When this happens, we can notice these patterns as they unfold, understand what they may be trying to protect, and begin not to follow them automatically. What happens too quickly to be thought about in other relationships can be slowed down, observed, and experienced differently.

When can it be helpful?

Relational psychoanalytic psychotherapy may be helpful when anxiety, depression, the effects of trauma, relationship difficulties, low self-esteem, or a persistent sense of not being good enough seem to have deeper roots and do not shift by focusing on symptoms alone.

It may also help when you repeatedly encounter the same kind of conflict in relationships, struggle to recognise what you want, or have adapted yourself to other people’s expectations for so long that you no longer know what genuinely reflects who you are.

You do not need to have a diagnosis or be going through an obvious crisis. You may begin therapy to deepen your self-understanding, explore significant parts of your history, or regain a sense of continuity after a separation, bereavement, major life change, or move to another country.

Change does not mean becoming someone else

The aim is not to fix you, make you more efficient, or adapt you to a predetermined idea of what is normal. A way of protecting yourself that now feels limiting may have served an important purpose at another point in your life. Recognising that purpose allows you to approach this part of yourself without treating it as a flaw that must be removed.

Change may mean setting a boundary without guilt taking over, remaining in a relationship without losing touch with yourself, recognising what you want before adapting to someone else’s expectations, or experiencing an emotion without immediately needing to control it.

The aim is not to eliminate every inner conflict, but to develop greater freedom in how you choose, what you allow yourself to want, and how you relate to others.

My training in Relational Psychoanalysis

I completed a four-year specialist training in Relational Psychoanalysis at SIPRe in Rome—the Italian Society of Relational Psychoanalysis. I am a member of SIPRe and of the International Association for Relational Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy (IARPP).

For more than fifteen years, this approach has guided my clinical practice. For me, it means working with depth and clinical rigour without losing the warmth, curiosity, and immediacy of a human encounter.

Within this relational framework, where helpful, I integrate my understanding of trauma, EMDR, work with parts of the self, mindfulness, and attention to bodily experience. These are not separate techniques applied in the same way to everyone, but resources chosen in relation to the individual, their strengths, and the stage of therapy.

I offer relational psychoanalytic psychotherapy in London and online, in English and Italian. If you are considering starting therapy, you can read more about how therapy works or contact me.